I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
