There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
