I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
