dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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