Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
