Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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