so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
