The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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