just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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