They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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