Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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