yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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