We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
