in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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