My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
