listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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