Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
