i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
