Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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