It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens