Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.