I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
