okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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