So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
