there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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