If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
