So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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