i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize