I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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