How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
