He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
