i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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