Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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