Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
