ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
