you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
