i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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