why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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