Your dad touched me again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
how drunk are you?
Several
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
