Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He better not be in your backpack
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
