16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
