Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
