We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
