Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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