HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
