It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
