so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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