wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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