Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize