You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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