Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
