Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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