did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
