Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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