Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
