that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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