i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
