He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
