yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
