i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
