Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
