That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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