lets start a swedish sibling band together
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
