yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
