Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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