come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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