i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Come share oat with me in your robe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize