And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
