I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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