maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
