I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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