I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
