Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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