pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
