I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
