weddingsv make me drug and hornr
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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