Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
