So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
