kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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