then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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