Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
